I CAN MOONWALK!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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