I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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