We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
