Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
my poor anus
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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