Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
