My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
