She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
