You can't motorboat a personality
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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