i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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