I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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