we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
