how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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