now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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