I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
