the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
birth control should be required to get into college
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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