woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
