she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
