everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
