I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
