singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
