Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
