literally had 100 drinks last night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
