we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
