im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
