i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
