So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
