Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
