is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
