Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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