her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He passed out mid-signature
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
