Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
