I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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