I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
