Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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