Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
