ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Randomize
