I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
