She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
