went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
