if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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