forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
They took my balls.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
