Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
