I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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