Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
