I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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