did i walk over a car last night?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
