I love black thongs
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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