whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
