Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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