I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
