He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
