Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
